Happy New Year HUGS to you.

Welcome to 2012.

Welcome to a new beginning.

Quite often we rely on the change of a New Year to do some personal reflection, cultivate inspiration and motivation, and create our goals of change for the New Year. Which is FABULOUS, because we do need to take the time out of our lives to reground and center ourselves and remind ourselves of our purpose and our spiritual path.

It’s no secret that I have been on “blog hiatus” for a very looong time. Long time isn’t even the right phrase. Maybe forever plus a day equals how long it’s truly been and not blogging. I’m so sorry, for stepping away when you might’ve needed me the most.

2011 was a growing year for me, and although I missed blogging (ask a few truth seekers that know me personally, I’ve been telling them “I need to blog again”) anytime I sat down at the computer to blog, the words didn’t flow. So, I always have to trust my soul and just go with what it wants to do or not do.

Well my soul took it’s own magical journey in 2011. And by far, it’s probably been one of the BEST years of my life. That’s a pretty BOLD statement, but I’ve changed so much. So many great things have happened and of course mostly all of it comes from personal growth. For the most part: a new creative side of myself has emerged.

“Please do tell,” you ask? Oh most certainly, my friend, I will.

If I can choose one word that encompasses my 2011 year of change it would be creative expression and confidence. Ok, so that is one phrase plus another word = 3 words. :)

ANYWAYS, so yeah, creative expression and confidence. So HUGE for me.

I’ve always felt blocked creatively… even though yes, I’ve composed music, written a book, continually produce Acharya Shree’s videos, write blogs and blah blah blah. I just realized how much I loved to be in a creative flow.

This year was all about the possibilities of creation and that is why I designed and published Acharya Shree Yogeesh’s new book, Awaken! A Handbook for the Truth Seeker, with the help of a few others (thank you Riddhika, Manjusha and Eileen),  a 4 CD Audio program of Acharya Shree’s Chakra Workshop, written several unpublished ebooks, and recently created and launched the massive new website spiritual portal at Siddhayatan.org with more to come.

Most of my time lately, starting in March, has been dedicated to creating a bigger vision for the ashram’s online presence this way we can help more people all over the world. That time also included studying technical and “how to spread the message” strategies and not just reading and studying them, but applying them too. So yes, technology is a great platform to spread the spiritual teachings. And if you don’t know it yet, I love technology and using it to create. It’s one of my favorite passions. If you removed technology from me, I think all that would be left is my soul.

Creation wise, I was very productive for the year. Personal growth wise, I’ve changed so much.

You may or may not know this, but one of my greatest fears was public speaking. Notice the word “was”. I’ve been terrified of public speaking since I was in the 5th grade when I was elected as the class president. My speech was awesome (which my grandma wrote for me and I just read it – sssh) and then after I won my voice crumbled into the deepest pits of the “cave of fear” in me, because I would have to talk in front of the school often. Since I was 11 then, I was always afraid to be in front of people. I mean I would do it – speak or sing – but my confidence wasn’t there, even though everyone else believed in me and said I always did just fine.

So with that little intro to my deadliest fear, I FINALLY broke that fear of public speaking. Talk about FREEDOM from my own worst inner enemies. I mean my voice has been caged for a long time, because I allowed it to be caged. But my soul just wanted to fly. I mean I knew that part of being a spiritual teacher was a lot of speaking and that is what I always wanted to do, I just never did it without reading or having notes. Now, I can speak on the fly. Maybe this isn’t a big WOW for you, but it was a big hurdle for me. So if anyone else has a fear of public speaking, just remind yourself how badly you want your voice to be heard, because your voice IS important and just fly. Freedom comes when you fly and are not attached to your security nest. Just fly.

Breaking my fear of public speaking was huge. Sure, I get nervous a little, but it’s not that  I’m deathly afraid. It’s just that I have more trust and confidence in myself. For those that know me in person, they say I am very strong, courageous and calm, maybe that’s how they know me, but they do not know all the inner mind demons I have to face. The spiritual path is a daily battle to transform all of your lower qualities into higher qualities – never forget that.

Another break through for me was allowing myself to heal from a lot of my past emotions from pain and suffering. I thought for a while I was completely healed, and then a new deeper layer revealed itself. The path is about dissolving all layers, so that’s what I’m working now, releasing the hidden negative / unconscious emotions. The biggest transformation, regarding my emotions, was when I gave a little talk and cried at the same time while sharing my story of struggle. It was in that moment I realized how much impact and influence it brought to the people that were listening when I shared my emotions, so in the new writings and talks I will be sharing more of that side of me as well. It was scary to be so emotionally vulnerable in public, I’m usually composed, but soul said it was time for me to do that, and so as always I go with what my soul says. Soul is very bold.

Spiritual growth? Well all of the above is just a tiny revelation of the spiritual growth I’ve had this year. Spiritually, I’ve grown so much. Words can’t even begin to describe the new experiences in meditation, higher consciousness and just being in commune with soul. So many clicks, so many jumps, so many advances in all aspects. If I can use one word to describe it, I will use the word, “soul-realization”. Ok, that was two words with a hyphen, but soul-realization would be the best phrase to use. Not self-realization, self – realization is more like “mastery of the self” psychology, mindset, behavior, etc. Soul – realization is tasting the essence of the soul – the expansiveness, the total oneness, the beingness, the blissfulness, and as Acharya Shree explained one of my experiences to me, “the higher states of consciousness”. All my experiences are not always in soul – realization, sometimes it is just “regular meditation”, but when those big experiences happen and it lasts not just one second, or 1 minute, which is already a huge thing and lasts much much longer and immersed in total drunkeness of bliss, it’s just like WOWZERS. You can’t speak. You can’t move. You can’t even breathe. No book or scripture can capture that state with words, you just have to experience it for yourself.

I look forward to hearing about all of your personal growth from the last year. Feel free to share your experiences below.

Thanks for your love, support and believing in me. I love, support and believe in you too.

I miss you all.

Cheers to a New Year!

Much love,
Siddhali Shree