I love people. I’m sure you do, too. I love great spiritual conversations that can go for 3 hours at a time. I’m sure you do, too. I love spiritual group discussion. I’m sure you do, too. The question is, where are the people to talk to? Where are the like-minded spiritual friends? How do we maintain old friendships even though we have changed because of our personal positive change as a result of our spiritual path? Is the path supposed to be alone or all one?
When I first began my spiritual path almost a decade ago, I was the odd one. I was happy with life, moved by a spiritual awakening, learning to live in the present moment, and going with the flow. I thought everyone wanted to experience it with me. So I began to tell all my friends about what I was learning in the books or my good feelings as a result of meditation. I would tell all and everything with no filter. Then I started to see, the number of friends became less and less. And then finally I heard the words, “You’re so weird.” My happy feeling, gone. Head now hanging low. I’m alone, no one understands me.
Maybe these feelings have happened to you in your life or something similar. You are on a new adventure to spiritual awakening and personal transformation – no one else understands from your family or group of friends. All of this is part of growing on the path. If you haven’t experienced it, you’re lucky.
We have become who we are because of our friends and family. We love them. But as we grow, we begin to notice the major differences between them and ourselves. Personally, I have lost several friends as a result of my decision to become a monk. Shocking? No. Sad? Yes. I understand the pain that you are going through.
How to maintain Present Relationships?
Lessen your expectations. Having expectations of support and understanding will lead only to disappoint, anger and frustration. By letting go of expectations, you become more relaxed and go with the flow. Work on yourself and learn to understand yourself more, moreso than putting energy and effort into the other person – trying to change them, convince them, etc. The path is about you, not them.
Understand everyone has their own time. If I came up to you two years before you began your spiritual path and was trying to force you to be spiritual, you wouldn’t have like it. Not only would you have not liked it, you might have been turned off completely from it and thus you would have never started. Everyone is stuck underneath their own illusion and karma. You can’t force them to understand you now. Maybe you can plant some positive seeds here and there, but like I always say, you cannot force a flower to grow. You cannot force the caterpillar to become a beautiful butterfly. When its their time, it will happen. Focus on your time and working on you now.
Change yourself. The only person you can change is you. I understand that you can get excited when you discover or realize something new. And now because of your newfound change, you want to change others, too. Let them be. Focus on yourself. Be balanced. Changing others means you are trying to control. When you are in control, you are in ego. When you are in ego, you are far from your soul.
Be strong, trust yourself. There are times you might begin to doubt yourself as the result of comments from friends, parents and family. Be strong. My Dad told me when I was 17 years old after my 3rd or 4th yoga class, that “Yoga was a cult and that I need to stop.” At that time, Yoga was bringing me supreme joy and happiness that I never felt before. If I stopped yoga at that time and I listened to my Dad, I would not be where I am today. I trusted myself. I stayed strong. I learned to follow my heart.
Be grateful. I am continually grateful for my friends that are still there for me, just want me to be happy, and love me for who I am. Not all of my friends understand what I do and why I do it, nor do I expect them or want them to. I’m just happy they are still there, so there is no reason for me to risk the loss of the friendship by imposing my thoughts, path, etc. The picture of this blog are my best friends from my Iraq experience – Bonnie from New Jersey and Amber from California – when they came to visit the ashram in Texas last year.
Attention all Spiritual People: Where are you?
Unless you seek out spiritual and like-minded people, you won’t find them. They will not arrive at your door step and say “I am here. I’m spiritual. Let’s be friends.” unless you are living at an ashram or retreat center. :) You have to search. You have to put yourself out there.
A couple of ideas on meeting spiritual people:
- Go to a yoga studio – its not necessary that yoga practitioners are spiritual (they may be going for exercise) but none the less, you might build a connection with one of the students there. From there, a spiritual friendship can blossom.
- Attend meditation groups or start your own – when I was 21, and just returned from Iraq, I started my own meditation group on Meetup.com. I met several meditators from the surrounding area. I had no idea these people existed, but was grateful to have the opportunity to connect with them and discuss spiritual topics. I still keep in touch with some of them to this day.
- Go to a spiritual bookstore – spiritual people love to read. What better place to meet someone than a spiritual bookstore.
When meeting others. Be open. You and the other person may not necessarily believe the same way or learn from the same guru. That’s okay. Your intention is to find spiritual support not change them to your path. That means, don’t judge them for what they believe or practice. Just be happy you found someone that kinda thinks like you, is on their own search, and can be there for you.
A couple of questions for you, if you can please reply in the comments below – this way you can share with others what has helped you:
- What frustrates you most about your family and friends because of your spiritual path?
- What are you trying to accomplish this year while on the spiritual path?
- What do you think it will take to double your happiness on the spiritual path right now?
- What strategies have you tried this year and what worked and did not work?
Sharing your honest answers to these questions will help us understand you more and of course, you might find like-minded friends on this blog that can relate to you. Who knows, you might find a friend on here!
Remember, to always focus on yourself and personal change. The people will come at the right time. Sometimes, we have to let unhealthy friendships go. It’s normal. But, don’t be discourage, there is a positive, loving and supportive community on this blog that is here for you.
Until next time,
Siddhali Shree
P.S. Please repost this blog on facebook or twitter if you found it helpful.
P.S.2. Don’t forget to answer the above 4 questions in the comment section below.
Q. What frustrates you most about your family and friends because of your spiritual path?
A. I have to say from early childhood there was always a disconnect. I was always the black sheep, the one to beat up on, the one and to be teased by. Although my spiritual tradition was Catholicism, my parents never engaged themselves with the practice, going to church so there was no involvement. I was a Catholic by tradition and rote. Although I tried really hard to practice my faith, I son realized that there was something that just didn’t click inside. At fourteen I experienced with Yoga and meditation. I had no teacher and I reaped the benefits. And because I had no teacher, I soon thought I was missing out on life, had no friends, a boyfriend, I was considered weird. Because I had no one to guide me, I let life misguide me. I lost my innocence, my humbleness and modesty. Of course, when I matured, it was too late to repair my past, what was done, was done. Out of ignorance and stupidity, I hurt alot of people along the way, and it return, I myself was hurt; call it divine justice or karma.
Q. What are you trying to accomplish this year while on the spiritual path?
A. What I want to accomplish is a new me. I want to be more compassionate, less judgemental, dissolve my ego, let go of past hurts and pain, develop my spiritual practice, make only good friends or have none at all, watch less television which I already do but my other half says I watch too much (he watches no tv), complete my nutrition course so that I can help as many people as I can, have meditation meetings in my house. I can’t work on them all, but these are a few that come to mind.
Q. What do you think it will take to double your happiness on the spiritual path right now?
I’m not sure. I wish my husband wasn’t so personal in his practice where we can practice together and not is separate rooms. It would be nice to meditate together and to get him to do yoga practice with me. All things I want to make me happy is all about making changes in myself and to manifest these changes so that I can lead as an example to follow.
I’m not estatically happy, I’m not unhappy. I want to be spiritually happy which is permanent and not fleeting like the happiness of getting a new love, or a new job. These are all temporary and not long lasting. Everything gets old, but being spiritually happy doesn’t. I remember my younger days when I learned about yoga on my own. The practice instilled an awakening in me I’d not have lost if I had a spiritual master to guide me. Now I have and I’m on a new journey.
What strategies have you tried this year and what worked and did not work?
This year is too soon to tell because it’s only Jan. 7th. But, within this year, I want to become more focused. I think that is my biggest problem. My monkey mind is more scattered than ever. If I could focus my attention like a beam of light or light a lazer beam, I could pierce through so many blockages that form in the mind. I know that I need to conquer the mind and not try to control it. I will first apply sitting for five minutes each day until it becomes comfortable and add on a minute until I have five minutes at the end of the week. At the end of the year, I hope to be able to sit in meditation for up to an hour.
Namaste, Siddhali Shree.
Thank you for asking those four questions AND for requesting answers in this comment box. The answering has been most illuminating for me!
1. What frustrates me most is my own reluctance to practice my yoga and pranayama in the early mornings with full enthusiasm for fear of waking my partner. Increasing my prana through asana, kriya and deep breath-work energizes and enlivens me, catapulting me into a meditative bliss like nothing else can; certainly a place where I love to be, but our house is built in an open floor-plan and any sound resonates through it like ripples on a pond. A person trying to sleep here with someone enthusiasticly practicing pranayama will not be able to do so! So I practice, but always with an awareness that I need to be quiet, which I know, keeps me from full expression and immersion. (Needless to say, my partner does not practice!) I do go to a weekly kundalini yoga sangha and can fully experience myself there but I wish for it daily.
2. This year, I should like to increase my awareness of what is motivating me to do what I do; be it going to the refrigerator to get something to eat, calling a friend, sitting on my mat, getting on the web etc. My goal is heightened awareness without judgement; acting from a clear and loving heart-space rather than out of some unconscious fear or an avoidance of some physical or mental discomfort. I wish to understand my motivations and be clear about them.
3. Doubling my happiness happens whenever I take a moment to delight in my life; right here, right now. Really acknowledging how blessed I am just to BE is like baking powder in biscuits…a good rise! More of that is always in order.
4. I have read so much. In my quest for knowledge to inform my direction on this spiritual path, I have learned a good deal, but I am beginning to think that I don’t need to read anything more. I suspect there is an element of procrastination in all my reading and searching; perhaps an underlying fear that I may not yet have “what it takes” (whatever that is!) or that I might not be “doing it right” (an old roadblock). The real work for me is applying what I know, doing the work, experiencing for myself what no words can fully express. There is much to gain from the ideas and guidance of others, but the greatest knowing comes from doing. Better yet, from NOT doing. Simply being; quietly, peacefully, being gentle and compassionate with myself and resting within my own tender heart.